Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The uberlube is also flammable
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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