Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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