I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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