Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Randomize
