So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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