Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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