he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
