Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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