i may or may not be watching the land before time
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
