planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
