I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
