i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
His hands were made for my vagina.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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