her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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