ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My dick has a subreddit
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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