i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
