if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
