Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize