addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
