fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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