am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
