yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
