meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
