Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
