there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
