No stitches, just platelets and will power
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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