ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
is wine microwaveable?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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