conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We need to get me chipped asap
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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