I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
