My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
My friends, they love my intelligence
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
