was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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