i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
40s are totally the cure
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize