I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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