Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
