Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
