I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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