just survived the first fart of the relationship.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
