even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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