My room smells like vodka and shame
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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