He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
