but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
i've created a new STD.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize