Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
