Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
