Welp...herpes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
