She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
