so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
