I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
