made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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