She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
