so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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