I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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