Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
