first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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