thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
