So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if only i could text you this smell
She's like a pop up book from hell.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
