this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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