Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
