why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
