Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
