ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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