My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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