Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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