youre lurking in front of me
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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