im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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