im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
