what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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