I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize