You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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