I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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