so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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